Sh*t my partner says 

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My partner is one of those people I tend to envy.  He can say anything, things I wouldn’t dare say, things I can’t say with a straight face, things most people couldn’t or wouldn’t try to pull off.

And he’ll say it with the straightest of faces, that deadpan look.  He can pull off anything.  He has no qualms, no self-consciousness, and very likely, no soul (kidding about the last one).  😉

His mind works lightning fast at times, and he’ll just come up with off-the-wall shizz when you least expect it.

I’ve told him he needs to start a blog of his own.  He probably won’t, figuring that my blog will suffice and I’ll probably blab about his statements enough as it is.

He’s not wrong.

Since I’m the resident blogger of the household, I’ve taken to writing down some of the things he says.

You have to understand, he’s in his late 40s, legally blind since birth, and he spent 20 years in law enforcement.  He’s always been up against incredible odds in a cruel world and, well, he’s a little jaded. And he’s a bit caustic at times, although I think this is a character strength rather than a flaw.  He doesn’t intend to be mean but he doesn’t care about being nice.  He isn’t afraid to call things as he sees them.  People might think he’s cold (he isn’t).  But he’s not wrong.  🙂

Here are just a few examples from the past week…

He’s an adept commentator…

On Taco Bell vs KFC TV commercials:

“That (KFC) commercial is among the worst I’ve seen.  Even worse than that Taco Bell campaign.  You know…the one with the chalupa dogs….the cha-hoo-a-hoo-a.”

He even has advice for teenagers… 😉

On the deodorant challenge (to the idiot kids doing this stuff):

“Instead of spraying it on your skin, shove it up your nose, pull the trigger until your eyes pop out of your head.  One less You.”

(He’s kind of an antinatalist.  Think Dr House on House MD, except that my partner isn’t an atheist.)

And he’s always a fellow advocate for the Common (Hu)Man, standing up for us Little People… 😉

On hearing nicotine helps autoimmune disorders:

(Mimicking the FDA):

“‘Oh shit, that works??  Get that stuff off the market right now.  They can have…water’.”

He’s pretty…straightforward (lol).  But he makes me laugh, fairly often.  One note to self: Do Not Take a Sip of Liquid While He’s Getting Ready To Speak.  You’ve Been Warned (lol).  😉

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10 thoughts on “Sh*t my partner says 

  1. The ability to make people laugh is such a gift! Laughter is good for the immune system too. We could all use a tears streaming, can’t breathe, almost peeing dose of laughter. Several times a day preferably!!😍😂💊👍💖💥😘😘

    1. Omg yes!! This!! I heard somewhere that a good belly laugh will boost the immune system for 24 hours (!) 👍🏼👍🏼😘💓💞😎💪🏼💪🏼💗💝♍️♓️🍾🌇💟🌷😹👌🏼🙌🏼🗣🙈🐾🐉☘🌹🍄🌎🌼💐🌻🌴🌴🌴

  2. Right?! So tell your partner that he needs to keep ’em coming so we can all stay healthy. We’ll take two jokes and call you in the morning 💊😷 😝😏😘😘😂💥✨🎉🎊💫🍀🌷👏👍😹

  3. He sounds like a hoot. And awful lot like this man sitting on the couch next to me right now. Nobody ever knows just what he’s going to do or say next. We have just learned to roll with it. ( and, as you wisely advised, to not drink while he is speaking. lol.)

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