I understand a few things to be true:
Television is supported by advertising, and it probably always will be.
- Every human being has an intestinal tract, and that intestinal tract frequently acts up.
- Every human being goes poop.
- And every woman has girly parts, which also sometimes act up or even take on an undesirable scent.
I also know that society in general is becoming more open, starting to talk about certain topics more often and more…openly.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing.
But when you put a few of these factors together, and put them into heavy advertising rotation, it can get to be a little bit much.
Seriously, I inherited the Bathroom Humor Gene, and I watched plenty of Beavis and Butthead, and I’m sure that my flurry of body function-related posts of late (and dotted throughout the landscape of this blog) have probably caused a few people to shake their heads and turn away…
…and this onslaught of body function-related advertising has me calling for a “Time Out!”
Yes, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between, even I am saying “enough already!”
And when someone like me says something like that, you know it’s getting excessive.
Madison Avenue, you have a problem.
TV commercials touting remedies and solutions for All That Ails Abdominally have been around since I can remember. “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is!” every so often, interspersed with ads for batteries, cars, and phone companies is one thing.
This cesspool of bloating, gas, acid reflux, vaginal itch, and smelly-Down-There that bombards us, reaching dire fervor during mealtimes, is quite another.
The ads are hopelessly repetitive, resembling broken records, skipping CDs, or that iPod malfunction where you get stuck on a single song.
And they’re hopelessly TMI. Senses of pride, shame, and dignity (and indeed sense itself) has gone completely out the window, left the building, clocked out for the time being.
Why oh why must I hear about “why [our vaginal product]? Because thong underwear! Because skinny jeans! Because yoga pants!”
Ugh. Ladies, if your lady parts smell like Girly Rot, I have an awesome solution. Two, actually.
1 – Clean up your area! Outer scents are a signal of inner problems, so slapping on a cover-up scent or obliterating the flora in the tunnel will not solve your problem.
2 – For the love of all that is holy, not to mention the olfactory capabilities of everyone around you, here’s another novel idea: don’t wear body-hugging clothing!
As for the Gas And Bloating Crowd, yep, I get it. You fart. So does everyone else (the physiology textbooks claim anywhere from 3 to 40 times a day, in fact). Before expelling the gas, your belly swells. I get that, too.
But a round of crappy mass-produced (and dead) probiotics is not going to solve anything, nor will an antacid. In fact, those products only make the situation worse.
I have a better idea: get a real handle on intestinal issues by getting a real digestive analysis test, and taking a real (medical-grade) probiotic or other real supplements.
Oh, and stop eating crap food; eating crap food only ensures that crap bugs grow in your gut. GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage Out) and all that.
Overall, I think it’s time to reinstate the concepts of dignity and pride. People have none. (Notice that when I write about bathroom-related stuff, or stuff about burping, it’s here on my wonderfully anonymous blog, under a pseudonym; it is not, however, in public, and TV could be said to be one of the most public places, given the number of people who will see it. Very few of the people who read this blog know my true identity. I have some standards!)
For those who can’t cultivate dignity or pride, then I vote we revive another long-lost concept: shame. It’s time to shame these advertisers who air this shizz especially during dinner and the women who would wear skinny jeans, thong underwear, and huggy yoga pants despite having serious odor problems in unflattering places.
Have some standards. Set some boundaries. Show some dignity. Have some common sense.
This has been my PSA for the day.