OK, maybe “thought-soup” sounds kind of gross. Part of my brain, the Considerate Me, had considered that possibility, but then Brash Me said, “meh; use it. No harm done.”
I tried to come up with an alternative. Considerate Me sweated about it, but Brash Me seemed smug in that by struggling to think, I was proving its point.
I’ll try harder next time.
Speaking of Trying Hard…
Today marks one full kretek-free week in the books. Technically it’s Day 8 (because the counted days began with Day 1; there was no Day 0).
I’m glad I didn’t get too used to the high quality sleep between regular hours, because it slowly veered off track over the past few nights. My body clock resumed its coy, dysfunctional touch-and-go rhythm, with no consistent, genuine regard for the day/night cycles of the larger world. By last night, it had pretty much reverted back to its old ways, but this time, with one crucial difference: I was still brain-fogged in, no matter what, throughout the day.
For the first time, I had finally come to understand how and why people had come to rely on Starbucks.
I’ve been dragging ass for a week now, more or less. I find myself staring blankly at my desktop or mobile screen. Or even nodding off while stubbornly trying to push through a blog post or save a research paper to my hard drive.
I’m not dragging quite as much ass these days as I was right out the gate last week, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still suck sometimes or that I’m back to normal yet. Apparently, the average duration of this ass-dragging is about two weeks, which puts me right at the half way mark.
I’m trying to expedite the timeline with gobs of brain-boosting strategies, all of them natural, all of them healthy. I’m trying to say yes to my body when it says it wants to do “this” or “that”–things like taking a nap or getting some downtime during which I stare into space. I’m trying to do Everything Right. I’m trying to close the gaps on any previous room for improvement. I’m trying to leave no wiggle room, no stone left unturned.
I’m trying to bring my external life into a similar, congruent order. This last weekend saw the huge undertaking of unearthing my side of the bed, the rearrangement of closets, the sorting and categorizing of clothes, the reconnoitering of books and other miscellaneous items, including those I hadn’t quite unpacked from my last bout of traveling.
Speaking of traveling… I leave tomorrow, for downtown Los Angeles. It’s a nonstop flight, followed by a cab ride into downtown, for a three-day work-related (but elective and totally awesome) conference. I’m ecstatic that I get to go, and I’m super-excited about it! My only concern is the whole Sluggish Brain Thing.
So today, I’ve been packing. The packing includes new designer scrubs that are easier on my body contours and my bank account, while also offering venue versatility and hopefully an air of contemporary cuteness. I don’t exactly feel contemporary or cute, but maybe someone else will think so.
Meanwhile, I’ll be much more comfortable and I’ll be able to concentrate on the information and bask in the environment. And with my newfound health journey and its accompanying changes/progress, I won’t feel like such a fraud (I work in the healthcare field, in a niche specialty where the “health” part isn’t a misnomer or a bout of wishful thinking or public relational spin).
And I’ve packed various snacks, my supplements, and a self-assembled variety pack of tea. Not to mention books–three, each one completely different, thus maximizing coverage of the Mood Spectrum (i.e., I’ve got multiple mindsets covered, considerably slashing the odds that I’ll find myself up a literary shizz-crick without a book-paddle).
What I did not have to pack, however, was liberating. I didn’t have to assemble various outfits of formal-yet-comfortable clothing. I didn’t have to ascertain exactly which pieces of clothing I still could–or could no longer–fit into. I didn’t have to consider layers or cold weather gear. I didn’t have to accommodate multiple types of environments with an equal variety (and amount) of clothing. No rental car CDs, no lugging Christmas gifts (and praying they pass TSA), or anything else. My packing process was simple. I like simple. Simple is freeing.
I leave tomorrow, in the early afternoon. I’ll have my mobile out there with me, and I’ll try to blog from there as I can. I have no idea what my energy levels or sleep demands will be. So if I’m slow on the draw to interact with anyone on any of my blogs or anyone else’s, or if it looks like I’ve become disengaged for a while, now you know why and you know that it’s not you, nor is it me; it’s just extra demands budging to the front of the line for a few days. 🙂
For tonight, I couldn’t talk my partner into watching a delusional narcissist on Dr Phil so we’re watching Daria instead. Daria and Jane are my heroines. I’ve always figured my life would be more enjoyable and amusing if I could emulate Jane. I’m still working on it. We watched a few new episodes of A&E’s newish documentary series on Scientology. Immensely enjoyable!
I’m always slightly apprehensive about leaving town; although I love traveling in general, and I’m always pumped about the events I’m traveling for, there are lots of unknowns to contend with until they…well, become knowns. Getting to “home base” and establishing it as said home base, “nesting” by unpacking the necessities and getting my bearings, then spreading those bearing-getting efforts outward and figuring out where I’m going to eat, what’s available where, how far away it is, and what time everything opens and closes for the day. Then there’s the question of the channel layout on the cable system and the matter of finding my usual (read: routine) shows “in time” (for them to be effective for my insomnia), and the uncertainty of ability to satisfactorily regulate the temperature of the hotel room.
I’m a sucker for a controlled adventure. 😉