For the past few weeks, I’ve ended up writing sort of a “check-in” post about the health overhaul I’ve eased (or sagged?) myself into.
It ended up being sort of a Thursday ritual, for a few weeks in a row. That was unintentional; I hadn’t planned it that way. That’s just how the dice rolled.
This last Thursday, I hadn’t felt like I had made enough progress to have anything significant enough to write about along these lines. I didn’t feel like I had enough to say.
So, I waited until I thought I would. Maybe by now (it’s Sunday night), I do. But I’m not exactly, entirely sure.
I write about a lot of random stuff on here. I’ve been doing that since November 2008. The nuances have changed, but the mainframe spirit of this blog (and its writings) hasn’t. Few people know or care that this blog exists. That’s OK. But it also makes those who do that much more special. 🙂
I don’t mean to turn anyone into a sort of periodic captive audience for the molasses-dripping, watching-paint-drying process that is my physical healing journey. It’s slow and arduous with lots of panoramic views and valleys, and baby steps forward, backward, and sideways. With all this stepping around, I might end up doing a faceplant. It might even be funny. 😉
I write a periodic post on this topic (the posts “Learning To Count” from May 4 and “Preparation Progress” from May 12 are the others I’ve written so far), (and will probably continue to?) for two reasons:
1 – Because someone else might be going through something like this or know someone who is, and it might help them know that they’re in good company, and
2 – To hold myself accountable. To have something (this blog, a cyber-public space) else and someone (anyone in the blogging community who sees these posts) else who now knows about this project. If someone else besides myself knows, now I have someone else to be accountable to; I can no longer just keep it to myself and slowly drift away from it as though it never happened.
So now, on May 21, nine days after the last post, I finally have something new to say about this overhaul thingy.
Last weekend, the weekend that came directly after writing the last post, we unboxed my newly-arrived little music player. My partner also ordered me its own dedicated set of earbuds.
I have three other sets of those earbuds, but they’re spoken for.
One lives on the couch next to the mobile phone charger. The second set lives at my office, next to a second mobile phone charger. The third one lives in my roller bag that I take to and from work (and anywhere else) so that I can plug it into my mobile phone if I find myself having to make a call somewhere other than the office or at home.
By having multiple sets of these earbuds, I’m not having to constantly plug in or unplug the earbuds from various devices, nor am I apt to lose or forget them. They’re relatively inexpensive anyway, about $20 USD per pair, so having a current total of four sets isn’t cost prohibitive, and they’re not bad – they work well.
With those in hand, my partner could now figure out how to work the music player, so that he could, in turn, teach me. (I’m not very good at figuring out today’s technology, and he is, so that’s a necessary step, and it, too, is now complete.)
I have now taken the music player on my first brief evening walk, which was stunted by the fact that the rain that the weather predictors had forecasted for six days ago finally decided to arrive tonight, and I don’t exactly enjoy the feeling of being wet. So, I stayed under the shelter of the eaves of our apartment building and climbed up and down the two flights of stairs outside our door instead.
The Qigong materials have now arrived, too!
So, it looks like I’m all set…
Now, the rubber meets the road.
I’m trying to figure out exactly when and how I’m going to enter the big No Kretek Zone. Do I use up everything I have, to avoid any temptation? What if I’m in the middle of a stressful period when I run out completely and need to replenish and postpone my entry into said zone?
Or, do I simply suddenly say “no more” and keep the unused portion around for “emergencies”? Do I simply cut myself off, come what may, when I run out, or maybe even before, and chuck anything I still have and simply tell myself that it doesn’t exist and it’s good as dead to me, denying myself any option to partake and forcing myself to just do something else?
Oh, boy. Lots of questions. Too few answers.
I kind of wish there was something like an Antabuse pill for this type of thing. (That’s the pill they used to give alcoholics in the ’80s–I don’t know if they still do–to deter them from drinking because it made them sick to their stomach if they did.)
Or maybe I could start taking the natural supplement intended for detox a little ahead of schedule.
That might indeed be worth a shot.
Because the detox process is…interesting. I’ve been through it before. It will make you feel healthy and sick at the same time. Sick because you’re getting all the junk out of your system that you never knew you had. Sicker yet if you introduce new toxins into the system. But healthier because that’s the ultimate effect, the end result, and you’re lightyears better off for having eliminated that crap.
My body does feel burdened. Every movement right now is a bit more of a grunt-accompanied, exaggerated effort than it should be. Even climbing stairs sort of sucks. And my mind isn’t as sharp as it should be. And I feel heavy. I know that I’m physically the heaviest I’ve ever been, mostly because I’m packing around the excess toxic load. That has been verified by lab testing using blood samples, as have the accompanying metabolic disruptions and glandular issues that go with it…which form the basis of the weight gain, the low oxygen and thus, the day-to-day struggle.
I’ve been going through this for over three years.
I’m due; it’s time.
My next goals are to make the switch, to enter the Warp Zone that throws me directly, do-not-pass-go-ly, into the No Kretek Zone. I can’t believe I’m saying it. I can’t believe it’s the next step. But it is.
I have no clue how it might affect me. Please bear with me, and please forgive me; I might either not blog much at all, as I find different distractions to immerse myself in for a short while in order to break habits and routines, or I might actually blog a lot more, just to have something to do and stay connected with people for mutual support.
Or I might blog more, but schedule the posts to publish on a more even-tempo schedule, like I tend to do anytime I have a particularly productive sir inspirational streak.
If I blog (either the same amount or an increased amount), there might be a different vibe to the posts, or there may not be. That may be more controversial or ranty, or they may be more confusing and less clear, or they may be briefer.
Or, they may actually be more clear, better fleshed out, perhaps more vocabulary variety, or they might be simpler, if I’m trying to gather my mental energy.
Or they might focus a lot more on mental health, strategies, new information I’ve come across, or step-by-step advice-themed posts, spirituality (of the world religions and pagan/Pantheist varieties, since that seems to help me cleanse more thoroughly and gives me something very healthy to focus on).
Basically, I’m not sure yet. Maybe nothing about any of my blog-writing will perceptibly change at all.
We shall see; time will reveal all.
Update: my next steps from here will be:
- Start taking supplements; I haven’t taken much in three years, all my nutrient levels are on the floor, and I have to make up for a lot of lost time.
- Cross over into the No Kretek Zone for good.
- Start exercising as a matter of routine.
- Start probably-daily acupuncture; daily is what I’m shooting for, but I know that sometimes there will be work projects that get in the way.
- Start trying out Zyrtec as a daily hopefully-non-drowsy antihistamine, which will hopefully be temporary, while I try to eradicate the problem naturally by getting down to the root cause, whatever that may be. Crossing my fingers that it works!
As I make progress, you’ll hear it here first. 😉