So anyway, my big honking exam took place this morning. I have no idea how I did. I’ll find out in May. Yep, May.
It’s a little frightening how three and a half years of various classes and conferences and three solid weeks of relentless studying get distilled down into just about three hours.
Those post-distillation three hours become pivotal. A lot rides on them–a $500 US review course, an $800 US exam fee, and six or seven more months until they offer the test again should I fail it.
And of course, I’m fried. I had to let so many people and so much other work in my life languish, neglected, for a while.
And now that it’s all over, for better or worse, I’m sitting here tonight trying to review and re-familiarize myself with my pre-studying life. Trying to figure out where I left everything and everyone, selfishly hoping all will be just as I left it, for my own ease of easing back into it all and picking back up where I’d had to leave off.
Today (and tonight), I’m just trying to reinstall and reinsert myself back into my own life.
There are those whose emails, blog comments and shares, and Facebook messages I have to respond to, whose questions and dilemmas request my advice, whose materials need reviewing. There are those whose phone calls need to be returned and whose text conversations need to be rekindled after I had to let them peter out.
I need to tell the world I’m back.
Did it miss me?
I missed it. I missed everyone. (Ok, almost everyone.)
Starting tomorrow, it’s business as usual. What does that even mean? What does that even look or feel like anymore?
I know I’ll find out soon enough.
Indeed, I did keep up with most of the regular peeps on my other blog and their notifications on WordPress; having the WordPress app made that goal infinitely easier to attain. But I know I missed some. Some slipped by, through cracks I have yet to find.
I did end up calling a few people today and catching up with them this afternoon.
Tomorrow, I have two scheduled meetings. And I will be putting my study materials (which double as reference materials in normal non-study life) back on their bookshelves, close at hand for–not exams, but real patients with real issues, the ones who sit next to or across from me, putting their trust and their health in my hands. (Don’t let any doctor tell you that that’s not unnerving and humbling, because it is.)
And truth be told, no patient ever went without during my intense studying crunch time; I carved out time in my schedule for that. The study materials would be waiting for me afterward.
But Twitter hasn’t seen me in earnest for the past few weeks. For Facebook, it’s been a few months. Even the posts on my other blog were written ahead of time and scheduled for publish/release long before they posted. Anyone or anything that was not a study material, patient, or urgent matter got put on hold.
“April 3,” I promised them. “That’s when all of this crunching and pressure will lift.”
And it has…kind of. I’m coming down off of the stress, coming back online in my brain, and re-establishing contact with people.
It feels really good to do that. Because despite my preoccupation with passing this exam, not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of everyone and sent them happy thoughts and positive energy.
It’ll feel even better to reconnect for real. But my processing of all this goes a little slower and takes a little longer. So, that’s what’s on this week’s agenda.
Soon, this reinstallation and my reconnection will be complete.
And I’ll feel like me again.
There’s a lot to do to make that happen. I just have to take it one day at a time.
Just for tonight, I’m going to sit on my butt and get used to not being surrounded by study materials and cramming tidbits into my brain.
Just for tonight, I’m going to pet my kitties.
Just for tonight, I’m going to make a daily to-do list for the upcoming week.
Just for tonight, I’m going to reconnect with my partner.
Just for tonight, I’m going to do what I want to do, without feeling guilty or self-critical.
The rest begins tomorrow. 🙂