Don’t be That Guy: Airplane Travel Edition

planes3For most of the people who fly relatively often (at least a few times per year), there’s a certain etiquette that one makes every attempt to abide by in such close, cramped, and tightly-federally-regulated quarters.  There is also a corresponding set of Dreaded Behaviors in these same close, cramped quarters (such as the 5-year-old sitting behind you who wants to do nothing but kick the back of your seat for 3 hours, which luckily, has not–yet–happened to me).

Just the same, humanity is indeed devolving rapidly, and civilized human beings with common sense are becoming the minority.  Since I’m often prone to stand up for the little guy (as long as the little guy deserves such advocacy), I’m starting to think that we need sort of a Bill of Rights.

If you’re oversensitive to political incorrectness, I suggest you hit the “back” button on your browser now.  Otherwise, please buckle up and observe the following tips for your safety.

Fellow passengers, please take note:

(Note: this is by no means extensive; but all 3 happened to me on a 2-hour flight home and I arrived back home in Sanity Tonio, well, with a little less sanity than I should have.)

Rules when flying:
1) If you’re a really big guy (like 300lbs) and you have a serious case of adult ADHD, sit in the back row instead of in the row in front of me, willya?  I really wished I could’ve put my laptop on the tray table so I could get some work done but honestly, this guy fidgeted every 20 seconds, and every time he did so, he shook the seat not only from side to side but also from front to back, which might’ve gifted my laptop screen with a crack.

2) To the “lady” with a vile, pathological level of self-entitlement: just because you spawned 3 offspring does not entitle you to budge in front from the row behind me when getting off the plane, and then proceed to drag your bag behind you such that it catches in every seat in the aisle, (including tripping me) and then suddenly stop in the middle of the (narrow) tunnel while you collect your litter of feral ADHD/neuro-atypical kids, blocking the entire way as you do so, 100% oblivious to the mass of people behind you.

3) When bringing an infant on a plane for a long trip, there’s as natural sedative out there that you can even get without a prescription that will make everyone’s flight more tolerable: it’s called Benadryl. Hintedy-hint-hint…

Okay, that concludes my PSA for the day.


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