Open Letters To Various Douchecanoes

Letter #1: Dear Facebook…

Just because I “like” or post a comment on someone’s post doesn’t mean I want to be notified of every.  Single.  Subsequent.  Comment.

Just because I use an app doesn’t mean I want to announce it to the world on my feed.

Just because I post a link in a comment doesn’t mean I want to attach a preview to said link.

I don’t care that someone I don’t know comments on or likes a friend’s post.  If I don’t know everyone involved, leave it off my feed.

Last but not least, was it an instant message?  A more email-like message?  How do we know, since either one now shows up in the “messages” feed on the left side and also alerts you at the bottom of the screen?

Letter #2: Dear Social Engineers…

I’m not Christian but I do believe that the people supporting your store by generating revenue by buying gifts for others (at your “makes a great gift!” suggestion, by the way), are Christians, and not simply “holiday” celebrators.  So saying, “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” to avoid offending someone is ridiculous.

I also do believe that the Christmas tree in the window is indeed a Christmas tree and not a “Holiday” tree.

Letter #3: Dear PC-based computer manufacturers…

I’m done.  I am now pricing out my last Mac replacement for my last non-functional PC.  The resource allocation is terrible, the drivers for various components are cumbersome, the error messages are far too common, and the software arguing and subsequent crashes have sucked as long as I can remember.

Oh and I’m sick of the back door security holes, the nanny-like regulations, the big-brother-like snapshot of your system upon install, and the horrible tech support (not that I’ve needed it, but I’ve heard the horror stories).

My last PC died on me once and for all and this time I’m not going to dump another few hundred bucks into yet another shoddy product in hopes that my troubleshooting process ends quickly.  Nor am I going to request my spouse to spend yet another weekend of their own time occupied with said troubleshooting.  This weekend, we’re sitting on our asses.  Then we’re going bowling.  The Mac should get here in a couple weeks.

I’m converting entirely to Mac once and for all.  I’ve heard the Windows runs better under Parallels on a Mac than it does under regular PC hardware.  Total epic fail.  You should be ashamed.

Letter #4: Dear Noisy Neighbor Upstairs Who Does Not Belong In This Particular Apartment Complex

Do you really have to walk like an elephant, rummage around loudly in your closet, and drag your furniture across the floors at both 8.30 in the morning and 10:45 at night?  For several hours at a time?  For several days in a row?  Really?  What, do you have your kids over or something?

And the piece of shit Ford car I’m quite certain is yours hasn’t moved from its parking space in days.  Do you even work?

When does your lease end?  Because I need a countdown to something to look forward to.

Letter #5: Dear I-want-it-now Lady From Last Friday

Thank you for taking your friend up on the referral she gave you to our clinic.  Seriously, that’s how we grow our practice.

However, I know for a fact that said friend did not tell you that we’re a magic aspirin that relieves pain instantly.  Nor do we render any treatment without a regular physical exam first.  That’s not being difficult, that’s just following the standard of care, a standard that should be practiced by any office.

And I’m sure said friend did not say that we were a charity clinic.

So when you came in during the last possible appointment slot on a Friday, how in the world did you assume that 1) you’d get instant treatment That Day without any kind of physical first, and 2) that you weren’t somehow going to compensate your doctor for those services?

Ay-ay-AY.

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