1. Cordless phones made after 1996 – no thanks–I wish not to fry my brain and cause damage to my auditory nerves, temporal lobes, and whatever else lies in the path of destruction.
2. Microwaves – ah, yes–the tray that spins around while half your food sizzles in bubbles and the other half remains a frozen piece of dead weight.
3. GMO foods – What makes humankind so arrogant as to think we can do better than the intelligent evolutionary design that drives our universe? What makes us think we can even tinker with it and manipulate it and get away with it? Every time we’ve tried to outsmart nature, she fights back–and ultimately has the last laugh.
4. Family restaurants – I have no desire to sit and eat pre-fab Sysco food at runaway prices while the kid behind me puts French Fries in my hair. The clincher is when the server can no longer contain her disgust at the thermonuclear accident that a family of 5 leaves behind after their “kids eat free!”
5. Freakish Innate Subluxation-based chiropractors – it doesn’t exist the way you think it does, guys. You’re only digging your own hole. If you don’t get current on the real physiology and how to explain it properly, you’re going to get left behind. This above-down-inside-out thing is not foolproof; it’s dead.
6. 80-visit chiropractic plans – Surely you jest! We had 2 separate patients come into our office after having taken advantage of some deal that a few DCs down the street were offering and they were literally shaking their heads and chuckling to themselves. Why? Because the doctors pathetically tried to strong-arm these patients into 80-visit care plans, no matter what the actual problem was, completely disregarding their actual individual needs. It doesn’t matter that the docs were friendly; it matters that they said idiotic things with a straight face because some scammy chiropractic franchise they bought into told them to.
7. Mammograms – Please, stick my boob in a vice, tighten the clamp, and dump enough radiation for a thousand chest x-rays (the mother of all x-rays in terms of radiation used)! Oh and let’s do this once a year! All in the name of “prevention”. Did you know that several credible sources are saying that not only has there been an increase in the incidence of breast cancer that coincides with mammograms, but that there is probably a causative factor? Yeah, that’s actually a big deal for the scientific community to come out and say.
8. Birth control pills – Makes much more sense to snip the man’s tubes than it does for a woman to completely screw up her physiology every day, causing a ripple effect across her entire system, as well as putting her at risk for several cancers. Since the guys are half the battle and it’s no skin off their balls (literally), why not get them involved in the birth control responsibility?
9. Susan G Komen paraphernalia (i.e. “pinkwashing”) – especially when 1) these items are remarkably MORE expensive and 2) their “prevention” methods SUCK.
10. Nanotechnology – I do not want tiny little robots messing with my cells, interfering with my enzyme reactions, or entering through my skin or nasal passages, thanks. Keep your little tiny robots to yourself, military-industrial-government complex.
11. Stores who want your phone number – You’re already getting my money. You’re not getting a doorway into my family life so that you can put me on some list you’ll sell to some idiot who’s going to hassle me during dinner. Honestly, telemarketing was never cool and it went waaay out back in the ’90s.
12. Sprint – Ditched them and never looked back. Dropped calls, horrible connections, inept customer service, constant sales pitches, ignoring our requests and preferences, hell – I’m surprised we stayed with them as long as we did.
13. Big banks (Citibank, Bank of America, and Chase) – Dumped Chase for a credit union this year and trust me, it’s worth the drive across town. No crap, no sales, no waiting in lines, no empty promises, no unreturned messages, no shitty fees, no hoops to jump through, no bait-and-switch…I kinda like it!
14. Cruelty-based pet food (Eukanuba–i.e. Euthanasia, and Iams, to name 2) – Just Google “feeding trials” “pet food” and you’ll come up with more than you want, believe me.
15. Internet-based invoices instead of paper bills – Anyone can hack into an email account and poof! All your information is now in the hands of a scammer. (Sure, it can happen in the mail, too, but then you sic the USPS/FBI/whoever on them and they launch an investigation that can be tracked, with stiff penalties once the hoodlum is caught.) And what if your email address changes? Or you lose access? Or all your messages get deleted? Or you want to print a hard copy but aren’t near a printer? Just gimme the paper, thanks. With all the tree-wasting junk mail you send me, I don’t think it’d take much to could slip one more piece of paper in the envelope–the piece that’s actually useful.
16. Direct deposit and autodebit – Hell no, no way no how am I ever giving anyone direct access to my bank account like that. Too many horror stories. It doesn’t take much imagination to see my point.
17. Snopes – I have no idea who these zagnuts are in bed with or who’s funding them, but they seem to be a talking head for the alliance between large government and megacorporate business. Ugh.
18. JC Penney – Cheap crap at not-so-great prices, and a cheesy experience to boot. I’ve been to Dillard’s now, so I’m spoiled.
19. Gift cards with fees/strings – As if getting the money ahead of time isn’t enough.
20. Flying (unless absolutely necessary) – Maybe it appeals to some, but I don’t necessarily like the idea of getting patted down everywhere. It sounds like manhandling to me. I’m not a rag doll.
21. Draconian HOAs (Homeowner’s Associations) – My house, my rules – within reason, of course, but the idea that they can foreclose on you for putting a flag on a flagpole in your yard is nothing short of Hitlerian.
22. DRM (Digital Rights Management) media – Entertainment companies, if you want us to buy more of your stuff, give us more freedom to utilize that investment. You seem to keep trying to erode rights already ruled upon–and granted–in the mid-80s regarding home use. If you keep making it tough for us to enjoy our purchases, expect to see a downturn in our willingness to hand over our hard-earned cash. (Oh and you could try putting out good music again, making the purchase worth the money, but that might be too tall an order. Baby steps.)
23. High Fructose Corn Syrup – Between mercury vapor, GMO corn sources, and altered metabolism that leaves us unfulfilled and deprives us of reaching our satiety point, I don’t see why anyone ingests this crud anymore.
24. Circumcision – Yes, let’s cut off a normal part of a boy’s p3nis the minute he’s born because he was born “imperfect” and we have to “perfect” him. Such a double-standard between female and male instances of mutilation!
25. Medicare – it doesn’t cover anything and no doctor wants to take it…and trust me, you increasingly don’t really want a doctor who still DOES. Government healthcare as it would be practiced in our country according to our drug-happy standards would NOT be a good thing. Just the facts. I hope the system is totally busted by the time I reach that age so I don’t have to put up with it. I’ll gladly pay out of pocket for better care.